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No. 405
ID: 948a42
>>404
Pretty good set-up so far. I saw all of 1-2 grammar error(s).
Thing is though, are you writing an action story? 'cause you start of very strong with your descriptions of the Xenomorph enemy and Avrin's plight, allowing for a tale of daring exploits and whatnot.
Then, suddenly, you drop down from the over-arching expose' to a more intimate and calmer tale. It's kind of a jarring transition, and it seems to need a paragraph or so more to make for an easier change.
I have a hunch though, that the flow will be much more smoother once you continue it.
Lookin' forward to more!
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